Sometimes things happen that really make you sit back and take a breath, maybe even a few. I’ve always been told that following your dreams is something that so few people really get to do in their lifetimes, that if you get the chance, take it with both hands and don’t let go until the buck throws you off. Well I can honestly say that I rode the buck with strength and determination, and put up one hell of a fight. A few days ago I took a pretty hard fall.
As many of you know, over the past few weeks I’ve been competing in the qualifying school for the Ladies Professional Golf Association (LPGA). Although I didn’t make it though in Palm Springs, I flew to Florida where I would have another chance to fight to make my dreams come true…… and fight I did.
The tournament took place at the Plantation Course (Bobcat and Panther courses) in Venice, Florida. The first day I played the Panther course, reminiscent of the Palmer course at Mission Hills, it plays tough in the wind, a lot of water, and a few tight tee shots. Other than a little miscommunication between my dad and I resulting in a double-bogey six on my 13th hole, I played solid, shooting a +3 (75). I really hit the ball well, struggled a bit off the tee, but overall felt like I had given myself enough chances and just hadn’t quite taken advantage of all of them. So, I went into the second day, playing on the Bobcat course, knowing that if I just played my game and relaxed, golf would come to me, I didn’t have to go after golf. Through 16 holes I had hit only five greens, but fought my way through to even par. My short game finally showed up, allowing me to hole out from 40 yards away on the second hole, and get it up and down four other times. We turned to the 10th and I continued my phenomenal short game show, until finally hitting a couple of greens back to back on the 14th and 15th resulting in birdies and lipping out a third birdie putt at the par five 16th from fifteen feet. I stood on the 17th tee, confident, with not a nervous feeling but a feeling of pride. I was two holes away from putting a solid round under my belt, making the cut, and in position to get the job done…. finally. I’ve spent the last two days trying to figure out whether I made a mental error, or a bad swing at the wrong time, or maybe even both. I don’t know when I’m going to find the answer, or if I want to give it that much thought. I proceeded to put my tee shot in the lake off the 17th tee box, which resulted in a triple-bogey seven. I walked to the 18th hole not, angry, but in shock of what had just taken place. All I wanted to do was forget about it and move on, which was exactly what I did. I hit a decent drive in the middle of the fairway leaving me 170 yards to the middle of the green. Standing in an increasingly stronger wind, my dad and I agreed that it had to be playing more like 190, so taking more club and swinging easier was definitely the play. So, I pulled out my 3-wood, took dead aim at the flag which sat at the far left side of the green (the safest and most logical place to hit, seeing as how all the trouble was short and right of the green….. a bunker and water hazard) and made one of the best swings I had all day. I nuked her. Then the ball starting drawing and never came out of the air until it found hard-pan and settled pin-high, across the cart path, behind a tree, in a lie that you couldn’t see any part of the ball until you were directly over it. Even then, I barely made out the ‘T’ that began the word ‘Titleist’ printed on the ball. It was going to take a great shot to just get it on the green. Somehow, I hacked it out and left myself with a 75-foot putt for par. Still not worrying about how much this putt would mean later on, only focusing on getting the ball in the hole, I went on to make my only three putt of the day, heck, I had only had four 2-putts all day!
After signing my scorecard my heart sank. What just happened? What the hell just happened? Had I finished par, par, I would have been in the top-30, easily making the cut, and in position to head to the final stage of LPGA Qualifying School. I’m still not sure if what I was feeling was anger or pain at that moment. I became numb, and truthfully, I wish that feeling had lasted longer, because now the pain hurts so badly, words don’t even begin to be able to describe. Golf, which has become a word that is even hard to type, is in my mind the dirtiest four-letter word I can throw out of my mouth. How can a game that you love so much, hurt you so badly? Isn’t that a funny question? I’ve played this game for 23 years, I’ve learned so many things, gained so much, and yet right now the only thing I can do is close my eyes to it in order to heal. Everybody always asks, “So what’s next?” For the first time in my life, I don’t have an answer. I’m going to take a day at a time and let the emotion drain until I can look at my clubs again and decide whether I want to go back out to the course and start working hard again, or if I want to go throw my clubs in the lake on the 17th hole of the Bobcat course. When I know what the answer is, I’ll sure let you all know. For now, all I have is many many thanks to so many of you for all the love and support you’ve given me. I have had a fantastic year, meeting so many wonderful people, and enjoying so many awesome experiences. Thank you so much for helping to make my dreams possible! Who knows, maybe I’ll have to get revenge on that buck after all!  
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